The luxury of Grandparents – Grab it!

While the initial excitement about being the new mommy lasts, you may be in a whirl to do it all for your little one. More than one of us would have felt that urge to do everything humanly possible and beyond, for your little one, all by yourself.

Reasons:

1. You don’t trust another with your baby. Of course! How can they know how precious your little one is for you?
2. How can someone else know what your baby needs and wants?
3. Lest should the baby grow more fond of that other person.

You couldn’t be more wrong here dear mommy. The counter arguments:

1. They needn’t be strangers. Solution :Grandparents?? Your baby will be their grandchild!  One step more! Your baby is precious, for them as much as for you.
2. They have had you or your husband. They knew it then, they will know it better now!
3. A mom is a mom. Irreplaceable. Period. Noone will find more space in your baby’s heart than you.

You could come up with a millions reasons to avoid help. But after the initial hu-haa fades off, you realize that you and your baby need other people to survive the ordeal.

I am not talking about strangers you hire to help you with your baby. I am talking about family.

Despite all your differences, you must encourage your parents and in-laws to visit and help you with your baby.

Why? Because the love your baby gets from extended family is far more vital than you think it is.

I have realized with Dhruv that his grandmother and he share a special bond. She has grown to be such a strong support for him, someone he can confide in. The way he feels pampered and connected with her is one-off.

Of course I have had my tiff with her, but over time we have realized the we both have a different but special bond in our own rights, with Dhruv.

There is no need to fight for mind space. There is enough room for everyone in a child’s brain.

So while the discipline and love of a mom cannot be replaced, we must realize that the love of a grandparent can’t be replaced too.

Do not deprive your baby of that love, you can clearly set the rules and request the grandparents to abide by it. They maybe defiant initially, but they will grow into it.

They will acknowledge that they are not the parents but the grandparents and parents get to make the rules.

Give them a chance. Let them bond. It will be the best thing you can give your baby!

Holy cow!

So, I buy a new car. Well it may not be a BMW or an Audi, BUT it is MY BMW/AUDI.

Yes it may be this meagre four-wheeled thing which is pulled by an ‘engine’ and not an animal or a man. But I have dreamt of owning it – from God knows when!

To buy it, Sabarish and I took quite the same effort that we took to find each other!

Am serious.

Our purchase was quite similar to how Indian parents hunt for the perfect match for their kids now. All Non – Indians, welcome to India!

Now that surely is a lot of effort.

If you still aren’t convinced, read on

1. We went through a lot of websites short listing our choices from our budget constraints and aesthetic expectations. Read – Our parents checked out a lot of matrimonial websites, short listing our potential partners according to our preferences about looks, education, values, ethic etc

2. We read all the reviews we could find online about the 2-3 cars we short listed. Read – They asked their entire network of friends and family around the world for what they think of the prospective bride/groom

3. We Test Drive the cars so that we get to know how it behaves. Guys now go easy on this interpretation : Just read , parents let you talk to each of the nominees for a stipulated time during which you will need to understand the chemistry you share.

4. You zero in your choice of car….and the wedding bells ring.

I  take the car out of the showroom, in the presence of my entire family and friends , with the showroom officials bursting crackers and blowing trumpets –  Much like a wedding party!

I drive the car slowly and carefully, making it awfully obvious to all my fellow drivers that it is new and just out of the showroom, thereby they are expected to keep a 3  feet distance from it. And I reach my house. Park it onto the side of the road so that I can open my garage which is longing to take in my new car.

As I open, I notice a cow walking lazily down the road (No. I don’t live in a village. I am talking about Bangalore City here.)

This is a normal scene, I ignore it with a smile. ‘GoMatha’ (Mother Cow) has come to bless my new car.

But then she decides that she is feeling itchy. I sense it. I throw my keys, push the garage door and start running towards her, almost with the intension to scratch her head for her.

My family is yelling to the cow from within the car – shooing it. She unfortunately does not seem to understand their lingo.

I hop, skip and jump only to see her gleefully itching her head on my bonnet. My car’s bonnet – yea whatever. The pain was the same.

I hit her on the back and yell at her (am too scared to pull it off, for I still maintain my life is a tad bit more valuable than my new scratched car ). She turns around wondering what the mad woman in me is upto and continues to walk lethargically (clearly not understanding my lingo again.).

And there am left with a BRAND NEW SCRATCHED CAR, cursing and yelling my lungs out to the cowherd who is nowhere in the picture.

Damn you! Couldn’t you just pee on it instead?!

Welcome to India, where the sacred cow is perhaps the only being who can have her way with almost anything in life!

The perfect recipe to mothering..

So we have this pretty picture of motherhood and cute chubby babies instilled in us.

Remember that adorable photo shoot of you caressing your bump?? <sigh>  Those were the days!!

Well, all is well till the bump pops and you realize you have churned out a blob of your karmic ruins.This amazing cute little thing could wake up the devil in you which will in turn rouse the little devil in him!! And then those animated scene of transformation begin – The picture perfect home will transform into a battlefield of  lunatics, age no bar here!

I am certain there are tons of other women out there who walked into motherhood expecting it to be just another phase of life, only to realise that it will be the only phase of life henceforth.

A bit of seasoning should help make this phase palatable.

Ingredients:

1. Love – How cliché’!

2. Patience – You may need to borrow some from your mom, mom in law, friends, neighbors and even strangers!

3. Energy – Buy it in wholesale. Tons of it.

4. Will Power – You will need to keep refilling this from time to time or it loses its flavour.

Seasoning

1. Ability to have fun

2. Ability to let go

3. Ability to forgive, forget and smile.

Instructions:

1. Take a huge bowl.

2.Peep inside. You will find lots and lots of Ego. Scoop it out. Leave some around the bowl so that motherhood does not make you totally devoid of I and me.

3. Pour all the Love into the bowl. Then add in Patience and Energy. Beat it all together till it is nice and fluffy. Let the air bubbles stay so that there is room to breathe. Sprinkle Will power on it from time to time.

4. Now let this mixture ferment for the first few months of motherhood; till the baby is about 4-5 months old and starts doing the fun bit.

5. Then add the seasoning of ability to have fun, let go, forgive, forget and smile – It is important so that you don’t miss out on this golden period worrying and cribbing!

6. Top the dish with lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles!

Voila! You are ready mommy!

Note: You may find that your dish is probably overflowing the bowl. That is precisely what motherhood is all about – overflowing emotions!

Go ahead and take a bite. It will be sumptuous and satisfying. I promise!

Mummy’s Broken Breakfast (Lunch and Dinner!!)

So every time I try to get any work done..cooking…cleaning…getting dressed for work..or have breakfast, something peculiar happens.

Every single time.

I will be gulping down my breakfast and I hear Dhruv calling out to me from the living room, ‘Maa…wanna pee….urrrrrgent…’

Sabarish runs up saying ‘Come lets go to the Loo..’

He says ‘ NO. Ma’ll take Dhruv to the loo..’

I place my half eaten breakfast away and accept his demand like a crown of a beauty pageant.

I run up to him saying… ‘hold on…don’t go .. don’t go.. Ma’ll take you to the loo..’

I sweep him up and take him to the nearest loo(which happens to be his grandmother’s) and I put him down to do his business…

He says ‘ Dhruv will go only in Dhruv’s loo..’

I try to negotiate ‘Just go or you’ll wet your pants..’

He says ‘Dhruv can wait till Dhruv reaches Dhruv’s loo..!!’

At this point, I count till 10 and bite my tongue, so that I don’t freak out (my house is the least toddler friendly and running up from the living room to his bedroom every time he wants to pee is quite cumbersome..)

I take him upstairs to his loo and finally he goes about his business.

Phew..I reach down and continue with my breakfast…

1. Wondering how his timing can be this perfect..
2. Impressed by his negotiation skills..
3. Amused by his reference to himself as a third person..

and then he calls out to me again…only this time it’s a poop story!!!

More on that later! (don’t worry it isn’t all that Eww!!)

All mommies know what this is about. All kids feel the urge to pee and poop almost always when the mom puts a morsel of food in her mouth.

As irritating as it can be, this is a truth all of us have to live with.

Patience mommies, Patience!

Maybe some we will relish food, the way it is meant to be.

By then, we would have gotten so used to eating food this way that delicious food may mean cold dry and not warm and juicy!

I will grow up just fine Mom. I promise!

 

A new mom is often overwhelmed, so much that a rash or a hiccup of the new born could give her sleepless nights.

Worry becomes her first self, first before any other thought or feelings.

I was worried to death anticipating situations before they actually came about. I fear many moms may be faced with similar situations. For instance:

1. While I realised the challenge of breastfeeding, I was already worrying about weaning!
2. Dhruv was only 60 days old and I was worried to death why he wasn’t trying to roll over! (Courtesy my lovely (read crazy) relatives)!
3. I used to count the number of times he poops and pees like I was counting precious diamonds falling down the sky!
4. While I had a good 8 months of maternity break, I was worried about leaving him and going back to work from the first month. How would he cope? (now I realise it was more of how I will cope than him!)
5. I found co-sleeping the only way to get him to sleep through night, but I was already imagining him being 10 and still so-sleeping!

These are just a few…millions of things worried me then. But when I look back, it was all needless.

I failed to understand that if the miracle of child birth was so fool proof, The Divine Being could not have gone very wrong in child rearing as well, so while he has put moms, dads and relatives to take care of the new born, He knows when to time those milestones for your baby. And if they aren’t milestones then they definitely aren’t worth worrying about are they?!

Give your little one time. Let him be at his own pace. Do not rush him to be the baby you want him to be (it doesn’t work anyways!) For if you try to then frustration sets in.

He will wean, eat solids, be toilet trained, sleep by himself and finally grow up – just fine.

This is probably when you learn your Lesson no 1 of motherhood:
While the pressure of being the perfect mom bringing up a perfect child (whatever a ‘perfect child’ that means!) sets in, you may want to remind yourselves that you cannot make your baby what you want him to be. A lot of unknowns mould him. You can only try, hope and pray. You can only guide but not rule.

And for all those vain moms who think they have the perfect kids – we may have babies gifted beyond just discipline! We may have heroes in the making. Those that question,think for themselves  and then decide what they want to follow.

Those that make history.

You have been gifted with a baby who is perfect for you, not for the world. For he and you will make this world perfect for you. Together.

Bangalore traffic musings : Autowalas and Me – Episode 1!!

So my day starts far before the sun is up…I rush my way through a bit of housework, a bit of Dhruv, a lots of this and that, throw the rest at my beloved mom in law…Hop into my car, hoping against hope that I can cover the 8kms from home to office which would normally take me 25 mins, in 12 mins. In my earnest chase, I speed off the Bangalore roads, clearing the first clogged junction, after making my intentions loud to my fellow drivers (well, we all know what we think when a lady drives. So let’s not think about their perspective when a lady tries to race against time on the road!!) All well till now. Then I climb up a flyover…oblivious that this would mean the end of my race. An auto behind me thinks am too smart, he overtakes. Fine with me as long as I can keep my speedometer rising! Then another auto thinks he is too smart and tries to overtake both of us from the left. So here we are, one big happy family of 2 autos and an Eon driving in perfect coordination like we are performing a drill at the parade!! The auto in front of me can’t go any faster or the engine will throw up…the auto to my left still thinks he can push his engine to perform better… And I am honking…peep..peeeeeep…peeepppppp… After a few minutes I realize that this would go on for another 5 mins till the road gets broader… I realise it is a futile effort. I give up..take a deep breath in … pull up the window…switch on the radio and laugh with Shradha on 104FM… SO there goes another day late to work…The world is functioning just as well though..So I assume my punctuality is of little consequence to the greater beings but I shall strive to be on time tomorrow. I promise!

So proud of you, new daddy!!

While a lot of people may advocate that it is toughest for the mom, We think it is a huge challenge for the dads too…We are not just talking about the finances here…

Here are a few things you dads MUST remember to do right after your little one is out…

1. Hold your little one!!

Many dads don’t do this enough..while they may play with their kids for hours together while they grow, they miss out holding them when they are tiny and helpless…feel the wrinkly soft skin against yours..She may just fit into your forearms!!!

2. Record the Mommy tandrums!!

While you must respond appropriately to her tandrums and keep telling her how beautiful she looks with swollen eyes (‘the supportive husband’) it is also worthwhile to jot down your wife’s emotions and your response to these. She may soon forget it, but you could show it to her when she uses her one liner (I had to go through labour..bla bla). Tot for Tat huh!! or gift it to her when u think she is over it!!

3. Click your little one

While your wife maybe too tired to think of clicking, you can put up the props and click your little angel..click you against her…your palm against hers..

4. Be prepared..

For the rapid change in your lifestyle..So if your wife was the perfect wife who catered to all your need pre-delivery, there is a high probability that she would strive to cater to your new born now…so you are the elder son..Be ready for the change..Arrange for food and house chores with someone else (LOL) !!

5. Go back to your guys!!

It would be a good idea to spend a couple of hours during the week with your friends…just to unwind from the stress..so you realise that your wife takes out her frustration on you coz you are her pillar…but remember u need to let it out too…

6. This too shall pass..

Good or bad it is here not to stay. SO be happy…if you think you cant handle it any longer…tell yourself in another couple of months, your wife will be a close self of the girl you fell in love with again..and your new born would be human soon.. If you already love it, then embrace it and enjoy as it lasts!!

Breathe!!!

Run your own race Dhruv and let them run theirs…

Dhruv, Did you realise you are running a race. A mad race with no visible deadline…

The race started long before you popped out of me…and shall continue, today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life…

Of course you didn’t realise. But you will. Soon.

They will never let you be. Never.

So I got to know you were in me and then the mad race began, for you. How many times do you kick within me…can I feel you swirl. What does a 3 month old foetus do…. You were already rated an under performer or outstanding performer well before you came down.

Then you popped out and milestones were set. when did you start smiling, looking around, rolling over, crawling and the list goes on endlessly.. There already was peer pressure. But you couldn’t care less.

There you are, oblivious of the foolishness..

Now as I contemplate the mess I have brought you into, I need to help you find a way out.

I wish you remain as oblivious in most things in your life as you are now. Impossible.

Dhruv, there would always be someone ahead of you and someone behind you. If you fall for the trap and try to ‘catch up’, you will have a million people to catch up everyday..

You could feel happy to have caught up and left many people behind you or you could feel frustrated about your inability to catch up with the many ahead of you.

The happiness of each accomplishment will be momentary and will soon be replaced by frustration of someone else pacing ahead of you.

There is only one way out.

Race against no one but yourself. Be better than what you were yesterday.

May it not be about them, May it be about you.

The world may try to force it on you. I may try to force it on. Don’t budge.

Run your own race my baby.