Tick Tock Tick…The Time Bomb!

So you are at work. It is mid-week – where you are off the Monday blues but since weekend is still pretty far, that isn’t pepping you up either. You look up the clock, it says 9.53 a.m.

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You continue working and then look up hoping it is 12.03 p.m. but the damn clock says 9.59 a.m.

Then you quickly send a message on your office communicator to a chosen few because of who you sum up the willpower to come to work day in and day out – I mean yes, the work is good – challenging and extremely fulfilling – but we do get tired of routine don’t we?!

All of your close-knit colleagues feel the same – the day is as boring as boring can be. Then the ongoing conversation shapes into a plan for lunching out.

Great! Something to look forward to till noon!

However the hands of the clock refuses to budge from its stand – It ironically reflects my attitude – no amount of persuasion can motivate me to get active and shred off the sluggishness.

And so the clock says 10.00 10.05 10.07 and I just stare in mere disappointment.

Its 12.30 and I almost feel like a school girl eagerly waiting for her lunch break so she can go out and run and jump (Now the lethargy sort of indicates that running and jumping is beyond me – It’d be good if I can walk down the road to the eatery – get some sun and polluted air, then stuff myself with junk and head back).

Now that I think of it – I was hardly the running jumping type back in school too – I was just the junk loving nerd – hmm – a realization a tad bit late.

Never mind. Focus back on present.

So we walk down the road to a sandwich place and order our sandwiches.

We grab a table and were about to bite in – Enter a huge group of college goers. We sensed the impeding nuisance that awaited us. Damn these youngsters!

A sudden outburst of loud squeaks, swearing, laughing and yelling. Mm.  ‘India is a democratic republic – freedom of speech etc’ which translates to ‘I don’t care about the public space – I shall continue to squeak and howl. If you want a quite lunch with just enough gossip, then build your own restaurant!’

We roll our eyes and look at each other. We attempt to talk which went like:

Me: ‘Isn’t the sandwich made well today?’

Friends: ‘Huh?’

I point to the sandwich and animatedly show a thumbs up.

They second my opinion, nod their heads vigorously in confirmation, raise their brows and I read their mouth which said ‘Yummmm’

Wow! Now we are playing dumb charades!! Nice!!!

We tried hard to take this further, couldn’t but help listen to all the adventures the group seemed to have in Goa, how drunk they got, how ‘adventurous’ they got and how much more drunk they got.

We silently finish our lunch.

While we walk back to office we break the silence – ‘These college kids! How insensitive can they get to the place and people around – who cares about their trip to Goa – all we wanted was a happy chat over lunch where we get to gossip a bit and laugh a bit! Uff! Isn’t that asking for too much?’

And then quiet follows. We are all thinking, and reflecting.

Maybe the office clock was trying to say something.

Rewind a few years in our heads and we saw us college goers – loud and fast was what we aspired to be. Louder and faster. The world seemed to be so full of us.

Back to present. Ladies who have slowed down, who enjoy small things, don’t make such a big deal out of yourself, respect personal space in public premises.

Hmm. A few years, a wedding and a baby surely makes you feel wiser (which would translate as ‘older’ to the youngies?!)

As we walk down we notice a 40 something group staring at us – eyebrows raised, carefully examining us – listening to our small talk. Well!

I reach back, take my seat and stare at the clock… Yeah!! I get your message you three-handed monster and I choose to ignore it!

Just tick on…Stop for no one…!!

1.30 p.m. 1.37 p.m. ….

How many lives are you living??

So we think life is short, sooo much to do in soo little time.

Onabumpyride-Miles to go before i sleep

Apparently the mango tree in my backyard thinks the same. SO today she decides to produce all the mangoes plus some apples oranges etc. Talk about productivity and efficiency! There she was, desperately trying to be all in one…to be ‘efficient’.. I am totally oblivious of her decision to ‘be it all’ and ‘do it all’. I go to the backyard only to find her confused. There are no mangoes, let alone apples and oranges.. I am concerned. We have a small chat, which is when I realise her pursuit.. It forces me to reflect upon the idea. Am I not the mango tree sometimes?! Do I not try to be everything I fancy and in that process do I fail to deliver my purpose in life (now whatever that is!) It saddens me to wake her up to the truth, the truth that she doesn’t really have a choice. A mango tree is supposed to yield mangoes. This does not make her work any less important, for if she doesn’t produce the mangoes, who will? Yes. We need to go back to Mother Nature to know our roots, that every life has a purpose assigned. Humans are no different. Each of us born have a reason to be here. We could have different purposes at different phases of life. But at any point of time one reason is far above the rest, knowingly or unknowingly. What seems so simple may not be simple after all.. Yes I don’t want to be a doctor, lawyer and banker at the same time but I do want to be the best daughter, wife and mommy and top it with a splendid career all at once. Can I wait? No – I want everything done NOW. SO while one half of me is at work, the other half of me craves for my baby.. I cannot bite into the fact that there is a reason why many women choose one or the other. Either family or career.. You cannot have the cake and eat it too. Somehow this fact struck me hard only after I had Dhruv and decided to go back to work. I realised that I needed to get my priorities right…I cannot be both the perfect home maker and a career woman.. I cannot cook clean feed and play with my little one when am out of home 8 hours a day..which leaves me 4-5 waking hours with him..I have to choose one over the other. And for all those million women who tell me they have just the right balance, you are so lying! I needed to reflect. One Question which will help me. What is the most important thing in my life right now? Family So everything else I do should compliment it and not compete with it. If I work that should be so the family does better (not just financially but emotionally too) Hence the family woman in me clearly wins over the career woman. I work a few hours a week so I get some time off from home, to rejuvenate, so I come back home ready to take on my family (Too much of even a good thing is bad, remember?!) We all need to find our real purpose (No, I don’t mean salvation). We may have many, but one is way more important than the others, others work in realising the one… So while we may have many lives squeezed into one, at any point one is more important than the rest. So,it is normal to have many lives in one, BUT there can’t be two parallel lives. How many lives are you living??